No Pantz's Blog of Death

My Generation

The "old" Xbox will start to go the way of the dinosaurs the further we get into the year 2006 and I would just like to throw out some memories I've had with this machine during it's existence.

1. It Feels Like The First Time
The first time I remember playing this was sometime during my senior year close to Christmas. Tom got it as a Christmas gift about 2 weeks before Christmas so everyone went over there to see what it was like. My first impressions of it went something like this

A. Damn that machine is huge.
B. Why is this thing so damn huge?
C. These controllers are fucking huge!

After constantly playing Halo multiplayer (not Live) with the same 4 people in the room over and over again I started to think, "I wonder what other games this system will have?" And about 2 years later I figured out that answer: Halo 2.

2. Chase Barga Is A Huge Bitch In A Little Man's Body
While working as a carryout during highschool at Northtowne Eiks, I had quite a few meaningless arguments with Chase Barga about how much the Xbox sucks. I of course stayed behind the Playstation 2 and Gamecube and he stayed behind the Xbox because of how good the games looked. Looking back now, I understand the reason I had so few girlfriends during highschool

3. Ben Hart Hates Class, Loves Halo
During trips to Ohio University to visit friends such as one Benjamin Hart, I found it more and more unsettling how much this kid played this game. I of course had no room to talk because I play an enormous amount of videogames. The thing that sets me apart is the hilarious whining. I'm know I get mad at videogames when I lose but I don't yell at the tv with some of the weakest comebacks in the history of the universe. And that's just the thing, Hart is a clever, quick witted individual yet the Halo franchise somehow dumbs him down so much that he's reduced to repeating the same things kids say in the headsets right back to them in a little kid/sarcastic voice. This is the only time he seems to do this with videogames unless you count Mariokart Double Dash. But yelling at that game is warranted because it's the cheapest game on the planet on how it screws you over at the most opportune times.

To summarize the existence of the Xbox, it's one big pile of shit that can play Halo...even though a computer can play them with better looks and textures.

P.S. I apologize to Jamie, a loyal reader for many months. She has no idea what this entire article was even about.

posted by James @ 1:07 AM