Meet Mr. Redlegs
First off, do you see the guy to Mr. Redlegs right? He's probably dead now. Looking at this new mascot of the Cincinnati, it would be hard to think that this thing hasn't killed before...and you would be right. With this blog we're going to focus on his most recent murder: Mr. Red...dun dun dunnnnnn.Mr. Red was found in a Cincinnati warehouse with a baseball tee shoved up his ass and his head knocked clean off. A bloody baseball bat was found beside the corpse. There really wasn't any leads on who could've done this, possibly a disgruntled fan or maybe it was Dick Pohl (Reds pitching coach...yes that's his real name) taking out his hatred for how poorly the Reds bullpen has been in the past....forever. At least there wasn't any leads until Mr. Redlegs had shown up. Bob Castellini has remained quiet on how Redlegs even got his enormous head in the door. A college intern working for the Reds owner in the offseason had this to say:
All of a sudden Mr. Redlegs squeezed through the door with his gigantic black mustache and crazy eyes yelling for Bob. I let Mr. Castellini know someone was here to see him and as he asked who it was, Redlegs grabbed the intercom and said and answered "It's Redlegs, the jobs done now let me in." Nothing was said but Castellini immediately opened the door and let baseball face into his officer. While walking in Bobs' office you could kind of tell that the aging mascot might've recently been in a scuffle by tears on his face and some of the seams on his head coming undone. Before the door was shut I could see Castellini with arms open exclaiming "Welcome to the Family."
That's all I got out of the intern although it does paint a large picture of what happened. Honestly, I'm kind of glad someone like this is now waking up the fans in the later part of the game. If they don't cheer for him when he's doing what he's doing, well they might get their legs broken.
"Mr. Redlegs helped me with my swing said Adam Dunn. The old Mr. Red never even came into the locker room before or after a game while we were in there. He also kind of smelled a bit odd added Ryan Freel. Freel then added, "Mr. Redlegs also got me off with the cops while getting pulled over on I-75 for what I can only guess was driving erratically. The state patrol was walking up the left side of car and he saw Redlegs in the backseat and turned around toward his patrol car and went on his way."
For now, it seems that the new mascot might be a solid addition to the organization but for now we're only 5 games into the season and the team is 4-1. If they start losing, things may soon change.
posted by James @ 1:01 PM
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